Growing Your Emotional Intelligence

How emotionally intelligent are you? This is a challenging question for most of us to answer. The reality is that how aware we are of our emotional intelligence (EQ) depends on our EQ itself—our self-awareness, capacity for empathy, ability to regulate our emotions and build healthy relationships. 

Research by Dr. Tasha Eurich reveals that while 95% of people believe they are self-aware, only about 10 to 15 percent truly are. This means that only a small fraction of us likely have an accurate understanding of our own EQ. 

So, logically, for most of us to improve our EQ, honest feedback from those around us is crucial. However, this presents a significant challenge. A lack of EQ often leads to overconfidence, ignorance or emotional insecurity, making it hard to ask for meaningful feedback about our behaviors and mindsets. 

Even if we recognize the need for feedback and muster the courage to ask for it, emotional barriers often make us resistant to hearing the truth. For example, the intense desire for acceptance can make criticism feel like a serious threat to our sense of belonging. 

And so, we remain in a state where the majority of us need to build greater self-awareness and emotional capabilities, but do little or nothing to make that change. 

If we’re fortunate, we’ve had parents or mentors who nurtured our emotional development, laying a strong foundation for us to navigate life’s challenges. However, for many of us, by the time we reach adulthood, we’ve already developed unhelpful emotional patterns that need to be rewritten if we’re ever to overcome our internal struggles and live our best lives. 

The path to becoming your best self begins with embracing a journey of self-mastery. This starts with acknowledging that we don’t know what we don’t know. Being curious about how others perceive us is key to gaining the external perspectives necessary for meaningful introspection. 

Start by seeking feedback from people you trust—those who know you well. Ask them to share one or two ways in which your mindsets or emotional responses may impact your ability to reach your full potential. Be open to hearing their insights, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Embrace this feedback as an opportunity to grow.