Growing emotional intelligence

How emotionally intelligent are you? This is a particularly difficult question for most of us to answer. 

The simple truth is, how aware we really are about how emotionally intelligent we are, depends on our emotional intelligence (EQ). That is our self-awareness, capacity for empathy, ability to regulate our emotions and build heathy relationships.   

According to research by Dr Tasha Eurich, 95 percent of people believe that they're self-aware, but only about 10 to 15 percent of us really are.  What that means is that only 10 -15% of us are likely to have an accurate view of our own EQ.   

Logically therefore for most of us to build EQ, honest feedback from the people around us is essential.   And here in lies another big challenge.  A lack of EQ increases the chances of us being too self-assured, ignorant or emotionally insecure to ask for meaningful feedback about our mindsets and behaviours from anyone.    

Even if we do see the need and find the courage to ask for objective insights to ourselves, we often struggle with emotional barriers that cause us to resist hearing the truth.  Take for example the overwhelming need so many people have to be accepted, and the serious threat to acceptance criticism can at times feel.   

So here we stay, with the majority of us needing to build greater self-awareness and evolve our emotional capabilities, but doing very little if anything to change.     

If we’re lucky we’ve had parents who nurtured our healthy emotional development enabling solid foundations upon which we can build further by navigating challenges that come along in life.     

For many of us however by the time we are through our teenage years, we have already formed unhelpful emotional patterns that need to be rewritten if we’re ever truly going to rid ourselves of demons and live our best lives.   

Begin down the path of becoming your best self, by signing up for a journey of self-mastery and accepting that we don’t know what we don’t know.  Being curious about who we are in the eyes of other people is essential to gathering the external perspectives needed for helpful introspection.   

Start with feedback from people you trust and who know you well.  Ask them to share with you just one or two ways in which your mindsets or emotions impact your ability to fulfill your potential.  Be willing to listen and maintain an open mind to new perspectives that may at first feel uncomfortable to even consider.