Knowing when to surrender

Reflect on how many fights you are actively engaged in right now. With yourself, family members or colleagues.  To be clear, by fight I mean being in a state of struggle in which we are resisting or working to overcome, eliminate or prevent our circumstances.   

While of course there are many moments in life when it does makes sense to fight – such as when our life is under threat – in many others our resistance is futile. Struggling to accept reality, is among the most common reasons I observe people engaging in unhealthy debate or becoming frustrated, despondent and drained of energy.   

The simple truth is sometimes what makes most sense is to surrender to reality and step away from the fight.  There are some circumstances when we have no control and no matter how loudly we protest, nothing will change or not benefit will be gained.   

I was reminded of the importance of this mindset when I chose to speak up about events in my childhood that I had been carrying largely in silence for a long time.  A very wise man told me, you don’t need to enter a battle, you are the battle.  

What he meant is that what I wanted to share was likely to be a very uncomfortable truth for people around me.  How they respond is not my concern.  Some would likely violently oppose what I was saying.  Others would fight back by being dismissive and accusing.  Others would call me a liar.  All for their own reasons, based on their own beliefs, needs and wants.  Others waging a war was no reason to turn up for the battle. 

Wallowing in a sense of injustice and fighting to be believed or supported was pointless.  The harsh reality is some people will choose their version of reality and stick to it regardless of what I say or do.  I had spent a lot of years ‘fighting’ to be heard and ‘fighting’ to have my emotions validated. 

What I learned is all I can control is my own thoughts, emotions and reactions.  Other people will choose their own.   

Choosing not to enter the battle but simply taking the steps I felt were reasonable and fair was the best decision I made. 

In my next book I plan to share a lot more about this journey and how I was able to walk through the battlefield and not only come out the other side unwounded, but also healed.   

What battles do you need to step out of?  What realities do you need to accept or truths you need to surrender to?