How to Get Along with People You Do Not Like

Let’s face it, chances are you’re not going to like everyone you work with; or have to socialize with for that matter. Most of us are likely to find ourselves forced to spend time with people we would rather not. The simple truth is we can either suffer through each interaction or find ways to get along.  

While I could point to endless examples of what happens when people simply don’t like each other and fail to get along, one that often comes to mind is the relationship between Alex and Riley (not their real names).   

The tension between them was palpable. Their animosity towards one another was an open secret, a festering wound within the team. It was clear from their icy interactions and pointed remarks that they couldn't stand each other. Their dislike was mutual, a toxic brew of irritation and contempt that meant every interaction was a minefield, fraught with passive-aggressive comments and thinly veiled insults.  

It was evident that any attempt at collaboration or cooperation was futile, as their personal dislike had completely overshadowed their professional responsibilities. 

While Alex and Riley clearly weren’t having a great time having to be in the same space as one another, by the time I got involved, the rest of the team were completely over it. No one cared anymore who was right and who was wrong. They just wanted them to get over it and move on so the rest of team didn’t have to deal with the tension and conflicts any more.   

Alex and Riley didn’t need to become friends, they just needed to learn to ‘get along’ which when it comes to colleagues means the ability to work in a spirit of cooperation and get the job done to the best of your collective ability.  

While we can wish the other person were different here are some tips about what you can do to get along with that person you don’t like.   

Choose Your Attitude 

The key to getting along with anyone lies in your ability to choose your attitude. Of course, their attitude matters also, but the reality is you can’t control other people. Focus on what you can control; that is your own thoughts, emotions and behaviour.  

So many of us waste energy thinking and talking about people we don’t like. How often do you replay annoying events or conversations in your mind? Do you ‘roleplay’ scenarios in your mind about the conversations you intend to have with some people? Do you imagine yourself winning an argument with your nemesis? Do you allow your emotions to build as you invest in the drama unfolding in your mind?  

We all have the power to choose the thoughts and emotions we invest in. The ability for anyone to offend us or drain our spirit entirely depends on our response. We choose how the words and actions of other people make us feel.  

Pick Your Battles 

While of course, it matters to stand up for ourselves when being mistreated, in many circumstances we can simply choose to ignore the things that otherwise upset us. We have the choice to simply walk away and disengage rather than wade into an argument. We can choose to let thoughtless comments or unintentionally offensive remarks ‘go through to the keeper’. Choosing for example to see someone’s words as ill-considered is healthier for our relationship with them, than assuming their actions are malicious.  

Judge Carefully 

Ask yourself if you are being unfairly judgmental. Sometimes the actions we see as wrong are simply different from the way we would approach things. Reflect on why you don’t like the person and challenge any unfounded assumptions or unconscious biases you may have. For example, the woman you perceive as being attention-seeking may be simply talkative and unaware that her enthusiastic sharing of stories about her life is coming across as insufferable self-indulgence.  

Reserve Judgement

Our experiences of people quite reasonably form expectations of them in the future.  Be careful to not allow baggage from the past to cloud your view of someone’s potential. We all make mistakes, maybe with a little forgiveness and relaxed expectations, you can learn to like some, if not all aspects of the person they are.  

Build Bridges 

Look for ways in which you can build trust, respect and rapport. Common interests are a safe place to start. Find out things about the person you find interesting or respect. This can be particularly challenging with some people but appreciate the good that can be found in most people and give credit where it is due.